It would be nice

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Sometimes I feel I try really hard to understand people and it would be great if they would try as hard as me. Not assume, not try to guess and certainly not draw from past experience. It is possible to be dumbfonded sometimes, to obsolutesly have no clue where a person is coming from as long as you allow yourself to learn and not just be mad because you don't understand why I might be a reclusive man from time to time.

Its kinda sucks but I really miss my family right now and knowing that I'm just chilling at my place right now just makes me annoyed that I just didn't go regardless. Life lessons..ugh..

Navidad

SO I posted a new bit, for some reason I keep on forgetting that I'm latino. I think its because growing up people never knew what I was. I thought It was obvious but I guess the last name threw people off. I kid.

Anyways you should check Anjelah Johnson, she's hott and funny. Not that it matters that she's hott(the extra 't' is because I want to emphasis she's really pretty) but I guess that's why I found out she was funny. Go figure!? * ok she's not that hot but she's funny..

Usually I say something corny like love those around you and yourself or its more important to give than get. Well screw that, wisdom to live by. If you're with someone that gives you a gift that would otherwise be intended for an elderly woman or man. Please just RUN! No good will come from it. See its all in the gift, people that care about you don't give you shitty gifts. See I was reading the signs, Betty bop wallet,VHS tape that didn't work, break maker..these are things that should have triggered some concern, instead I just kept on thinking they were gag gifts. Don't be the gag.

OK so that was my psa.

Feliz Navidad..
and a Happy New Year!

Late Night

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Originally uploaded by campbellssoup

Apparently Leeloo like the christmas tree lights because she gets all hyper at night when I turn them on. Here I was able capture being naughty. She cracks me up!

Ah shit, I became a cat lover, how annoying is that!

Hanukkah

I'm not Jewish but it eerie how much my up bringing was based on the Jewish laws.
I wasn't allowed to eat pork, every Friday at sundown I had to turn off the tv and celebrate the sabbath. We went to church on Saturday's and we didn't go out to eat or pay for on sabbath. I remember waiting till Saturday night and then we go do stuff. I loved and hated the winter's. Sundown was at 5p but then it was over by 5p the next day. Oh, we gave 10% of your money back to church.. Now I know I didn't go synagogue or go to Hebrew school but I did go to a christian school where this lifestyle was reinforced so If we're being real I'm a pseudo Jew. To top it off I kept on being told about how I was going to persecuted for my beliefs,that's right just like the Jewish followers were! Kinda weird!

Growing up I never knew why so many people fought about religion, race, money...we start with nothing and when we die we go the same way we came. Race, that's a mystery to me, who really cares what color you are if you're mind,heart, and soul are kind. Which leads me to religion, I think we're reading the same book, believing in the same thing we just have different versions and names for the characters. I believe in God, you might believe in Allah..They might as well be the same person since they teach same thing.

Full and Heavy..

I had an internal victory. I sometimes have a uncontrollable urge to buy stuff, perhaps its because I grew up poor and never had shit. Come to think of it I know a lot of friends that had similar childhoods and they say the same thing. I know its not a scientific fact that if you're poor you're going to have a spending problem but it does make sense. Unfortunately this type of behavior will also cause you to be poor, hence a evil cycle begins again! Anyways that topic is for another time. A couple months ago I made a horrible mistake of buying a TV from a friend, it was cheap but this monstrosity is abnormally large and heavy(which is why its a monstrosity!!). At this moment it is the thorn to my side, It asthetically just ruins my living room. Instead of having a wonderful flat panel plasma hanging on the wall I have this beast eating up precious space. It works just fine and the picture isn't bad for a $100 tv. So now that you have a backstory I'll go ahead with the story. Black friday came and went, I didn't buy a tv not once but 3 times I talked myself out of buying what visual urges had me yearning for.

Why would I do that, you ask. Well I guess I'm acting like a grown ass man ( my favorite cliche) and acted responsible. Sure I could of bought it and it would of been fine but then I think about how silly it would be have this tv in my living room and then tell one of my best friends I can't come to their wedding because I'm watching my money on the wall instead of having a kick ass time in Scotland. So the tv will have to wait until at least after I finalize my travel arrangements.

Yes, yes, how responsible of me..well I rationalized another buy, a nice kenneth cole suit but at least I can wear it to wedding!

Vacant Amusement park

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The great wall of Tucker

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I remember growing up and my mama would say to me to watch that tone lester francisco (whenever you hear your middle name its not a good thing) now at the ripe age of 30 I understand what she means. There's a right way and a wrong way to talk to someone, Its presented itself a couple time in the past weeks where I was being spoken to and I didn't appreciate the manner in which I was being spoken to, at that point I don't care what you're saying to me and what you're saying because I've already made my mind that you crossed that proverbial line where you're out of line. I mean I don't have a problem being wrong but don't talk to me like I'm a kid because that drives me up the wall and chances are I might go through the wall, I kid.

Anyways I'm preparing my stomach for the massacre that will happen tomorrow. I'm a bit worried because we hit up some Taco's last night and it was all you can eat, however I didn't even make it to a second plate? I talk a big game but I really can't put anything away. The skinny guys are really the buffet manager worst nightmare, they some how can eat like hogs!

So yeah, hopefully this thanksgiving will be more giving than last year's.

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Well I had this nice entry about some relevant things but as usual when I expect technology to work it fails me every time. So now you have this picture of me touch Big Boy in a very odd manner. Some of you might even wonder why I would be at a Big Boy to begin with, well they have good hearty, warm meals at a price that won't break the bank (I kinda made that up).

Also I want to let everyone know that I did not save a lot on my car insurance, in fact I'm paying way too much, thank you very much Geico!

Seriously though I want to talk to you about an ongoing problem, the Economy. I'm sure we all sit down and watch the news or read the paper (online) but do we really understand it. I encourage you to get informed about how your money works for you. There is great program on NPR called Planet Money. Check it out. Here is there blog. http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/ but please don't tell em I sent you.

So there's 59 days left.

I mean not that anyone cares but I'm one of those people that goes to work and checks off the days like a crazy inmate serving time, I don't know what happens at the end, maybe unemployment.

I remember when I quit a job and I was like acting like I was going on summer break, I was literally so happy to be unemployed! Now I'd probably cry, I'd be pulling out whatever hair I had left and like saying eerie things in corner like " I did my best, I did my best!"

I'm soo weird, I always think I'm going to win the lotto..but its not good because I'll have these like inner turmoil about who I'm going to give money to and then I realize that I have a huge family and that perhaps 60 millions dollars won't be enough to take care of them. I get soo stressed about it that by the time the lotto drawings come out I'm praying that I didn't win.

Yeah, crazy. Its like the people that don't play the lotto till like its 100 million. I'll ask them why don't play any other time and they look at me like

"why would I bother on 20 million" ah, american's!

Anyways my co-workers are on edge, its amazing how much we hate our boss! Like one of my co-workers literally said that he had to fight going all black on her and he's black.

I guess I need to start working on my resume, I have that 2yr itch, where I'm feeling crazy and I need to go on summer break.

Smooth till the last drop..

more weddings
more kids
more of alot of things.

I guess there isn't room for les in that....

Come Fly with me..

So I apparently was either too sick or too busy to catch the balloon boy fiasco! I caught wind of it last night when Tucker is asking me what I think about it. I thought it was a YouTube thing but then it was CNN and all over the place. Apparently it the kids would later say they did it for the show! Ha ha. I don't know about you but I really don't think I would want to be on TV because of tragedy or for that matter something awesome. I remember when they had that bounty for Osama, I think it was 25 million tax free. I kept on thinking there is no way anyone would survive that, it would be like Patriot Games but worse.

Which make me think I wonder if Dog the bounty hunter could go over there and find him? I can see it now, it would be a AE special. They'd have Dog and his redneck family asking everyone about where Osama is, camping out at his alleged cave screaming things like "You know we know that you're hear, you better make it easy for yourself brah". All the while sticking out like snow in the desert( think about it before you dismiss it).

Then in some miraculous turn in events, around the 45min mark, they'd catch a break and find Osama coming back from one of his terrorist training camps. You know he'd be walking into his cave all cool, maybe drinking a sharbat and listening to his Ipod. Then DOG and his 20 illegitimate children in all their mullet glory would surround him with there spray guns.

That's as far as I've gotten with this story, the ending could get messy.

Anyways I've been incredible weak most of the week since I'm fighting some sort of unknown sickness but I've finally broke through it. Its Friday and I'm looking to chill this weekend.

I don't know if anyone reads this but if you do, have a great weekend.

I guess I didn't get the memo..

Holy crap, its going to be October tomorrow. This morning fall made an appearance, granted in south that just means cooler morning since the leave don't change colors here. Lots has been going on around me but not really to me. I have yet another wedding I'm in but this one should be hella fun ( I think the key is to be involved in the wedding party but not too involved cuz then you get to enjoy it-you should write that down.)



Babies seem to be popping out left and right. Quite frankly Facebook has been converted into babybook but then again I think that just represents how most of my friends are getting down. Well roughly at least nine month ago.

I can't seem to get the Miley Cyrus song outta of my head. Its one of those stupid songs that makes you move. If you're driving your nodding your head or my case I'm shaking my ass. Its disturbing. I don't know if its a downgrade on my taste or my taste has changed. I use to hate talk radio and now If I'm not listening to a podcast at work I'm feeling restless!

Hmm, I'm learning that my body and my mine are no longer equals. My mine is capable of doing incredible things however...my body can't execute these feats anymore (Stretching is essential for longevity, write that down.)

What is the point of this entry, I guess I'm just talking here. Life (yes there is a life lesson in here) is a carousel, I think I got lost in the turbulence that sometimes comes with living and have now noticed that I'm back to where I wanted to be before I lost my way. Sure I've got some scars and I've some wounds that are mending but I'm on the right track again. ( I should write that down!)

Odd pairing.

Many of you may or may not know that I'm a huge David Gray fan. I've never been able to attend any of this shows, to my displeasure, well I found out that he'll be in St.Pete next month. However as I'm reading who he's touring with I'm completely confused how this ticket was ever marketed? He's touring with ICP(Insane Clown Posse). To say that they're on the opposite spectrum's would be an understatement. I hate ICP, growing up I remember listening to their music and just scratching my head, that shit isn't music. So I guess David Gray will have to wait yet again.

Anyways not much as been happening in my life lately, though I wish otherwise. It would be nice to be surprised...

Mi familia

So my mom just came down to visit over the labor day weekend, man its totally overwhelming when my family gets together. I hardly got to spend anytime with my mom because of her sister's also being in town. Now I don't mind sharing my mom with people but not when I don't get to see her too often and since my mom doesn't know how to say no I routinely find myself sharing. Anyways I guess as I get older I don't feel so thrilled having to jockey for some time with her or my sis. Intermediate family takes precedent over extended family, at least it does to me. Anyways now my dad is coming today after just calling me over the weekend to let me know he's in Florida. I haven't yet had a full week since my mom left and now I have my dad here. I see him even less than my mom but at least I have a relationship with my mom where as my dad, well thats a bit more strange. I didn't meet him till I was 11 yrs and he lives thousands of miles away, so its more stressful to see him since I don't really know him. I know its not his fault but I've gotten use to him not ever being in my life.

It should be an interesting weekend, hopefully it won't be a waste.

I don't know why..

Sometimes I kinda wonder if like we have it all wrong; for instance the Geico commercial with the cavemen. Maybe its not so easy a caveman can do it! I don't usually like to be the person to be like I told you so but GM, you messed up! EV1 (I might be mistaken by the model) was an electric car well received and even more appreciated by those who thought that they had given up on fossil fuel based cars. Unfortunately these cars weren't available for purchase but leased. There is a documentary called "Who killed the electric car?" that now always seems prophetic and slightly apocalyptic view of what went right and ultimately wrong.

I've had many regrets in my life, some have directly altered the life I could be living at this very minute but for the most part the outcome of those decisions have impacted a singular life, mine. I don't know how it would feel like to be responsible for millions of people's livelyhood and future. That's a lot to contend with.

I suppose there is hope because of the new developments/news of the Chevy Volt which could prove to be a light at the end of otherwise ominous hole, however comebacks aren't fast so I'll hold out on buy stock just for a little bit longer.

It interesting how fate works, the people and things we expect to be around can fade away like sand in our hand. We'll try hard to hold on but ultimately it will just slip right through our fingers.

This is what happens when I'm brainstorming and I don't click on save as draft, =)

In other news, my good friends Mike and Jess (or should be Jess and Mike) either way they're engaged. I'm very thrilled and excited for them( in the way girls get when they see twilight previews) What a difference a year makes.

My Indulgence.

I don't know if you can qualify this as an indulgence since it doesn't cost a thing other than time. What is this indulgence you ask, well podcast's..There is a world wide variety of just podcast out there that touch on every single subject you could think of. I use to scorn at the thought of listening to talk radio. I know why I did that, it was due to the fact that I didn't have a choice on the subject. I'm telling on demand radio is the greatest thing on the radio. Yeah, I know this is the first sign of aging but you know what I don't care. The fact that I'm called sir everytime I go somewhere, the fact that I don't turn the channel when the bosley commercial comes on and that I think Jason Statham is very brave. Yes, I am 30, but if the double breasted suit can make a comeback then there's still hope.

I think I should of been a comedian not because of jokes but the stories that I could of told and the people I might of met.

In other note, being a room mate is hard work.

Just a quick question?

As of late I’ve been fascinated with talk radio and more importantly interviewing people. So with that in mind who will let me interview them?

If so, use the link on my blog to email me.

Momentos

Yesterday I was prepared to see this majestic sight. A 100 ft spaceship exploded off the ground and shoot into outer space..but, as likely as that happening the Coast was met by a lighting storm off the north east side. I had gone to the beach on Saturday, I think we were probably like 55 minutes north of it but this time, we were right across the launch pad. Man, That would of been sweet! Anyways the weather has been the only predictable thing in my life right now, I can always count on it to rain. I think it hasn't helped that I'm transitioning right now and alot of things are kinda uncharted waters for me. However the dip hasn't been as cold as I first suspected I just need to get use to water.

I really wish I would of invented twitter, I mean not because its soo amazing but because its soo simple, I'm like thinking to myself, duh! anyways I'm off to lunch, the best part about living so close to work is that I can go home for lunch =)

Making the Grade..

As I'm drifting off into lala land, I start to remember how I would block off four years to really grade my success in something. Kinda like being a silly freshman to a more put together senior. Long after I left school I was still doing this, my career, my love life, my personal growth. I don't know if this was the best way of going about things but I felt that my first year I was really just trying to make sense of what was going on, by the second and third year I was able to understand and predict, leaving the fourth year for me to make a concise decision.
Thinking back now It seems really foolish to think like this. I stayed with some things longer than I should of because I hoped it would get better. It would but it would creep back to where it was before.

Funny, every new step in life is like being a freshman all over again. Unsure, nervous, wanting to make an impression, ultimately hoping for the best and fearing the worst. Well not exactly but I think you know what I mean. I've transitioned in a way that I don't think I would of ever imagined. Looking at it in a larger spectrum its conventional but also very outside my norm. To be honest I miss the build up, the uncertainty of the outcome, sure I'm aware of the possibilities but I think I can accept them now as opposed to earlier where I could only see one way,one outcome, the one I wanted.

Anyways

I introduced Jay Brannan probably 2yrs ago on here. He's done some familiar covers to some mid 90's songs that many of you might recognize.

Jay Brannan

Viva La Evolucion

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.
Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

Viva la "Revolucion".
There was a passive military coup in my birth country,Honduras. This isn't so shocking since its a third world country and stricken with poverty, usually those two ingredients make for a good slow roast of a coup and violence. However my fellow Hondurans are peaceful people, so no shots were fired except of course those shot to wake up the president. He was removed from the country in his pj's to Costa Rica. Wow, you're fired and we're taking your clothes. Don't think that would ever happen here, then again here isn't there. My main concern was that of my family,who were vacationing down there. My family had just successfully planned a massive reunion, which I had missed because I suck, thankfully my Mom & Paul, Alex and Noah left prior to the coup but a majority of my family is still down there including my Father and my siblings.

I just got an email from my brother and dad saying that they're OK. The seem to be OK with the proceedings? They instituted a mandatory curfew of 9p. I guess thats not all too bad, keeps people off the streets and better yet trouble at bay.

Wow June is ending with a bang, 4 day here I come.

Got lost in the words..

I heard a great artist last night, will his music change my life or even make it to the radio, probably not unless its a college radio station and I'm too old for music to change my life. However,his music took me to a place of utter peace. Its odd I don't know exactly how to explain it but I think I mentally blacked out everything that has happened this past year while I was listening to him. Maybe it was the way he sang or the sound of the guitar, or maybe it was the lack of eating-whatever it was I feel at peace for an hour.
Oh,you're probably wondering who I'm talking about? The tallest man on earth which I have to thank Michael for introducing his music. We got to me him after the show and he's not the tallest man on earth, he might be the smallest man on earth, but his music is undoubtedly larger than his silhouette.

One more thing that happened lastnight, other than eating a delicious veggie dog on the street was that someone affirmed that he was ok to not be ok with how things happened. That there will always be a reaction of some sort to her. As much as I want to be able to just be whatever about or dismiss it as if it doesn't mean much, well I would be lying. It did mean alot and I can remember how I felt everytime I hear her name...

Foxes,Boxes, and sleeping in the dining room den.

Currently my belongings are scattered like shells on the ocean floor. I don't know where anything is, just when I thought I had gotten rid of all the junk I had, I find more junk. Its a perpetual combustion of trash that accumulates everywhere I go. With that said I have a couple of days till I really start putting things in the car and making my eay up to Lake Mary.

I know that I came down there in a car full of stuff and now I need a uhaul to move, its just kinda funny because its not like I really need all this stuff, I could do without the 23 pairs of shoes, the closet full of clothes, the damn gadgets, and all the other useless space eating things. I think for the most part it has to do with the fact that I don't like being alone so I go shopping to be around people. I've been living like a single man for the past 4 1/2 years...It will be nice to have someone to come home to, to share the happening of my day, hell to just have dinner with at home. Its about time I have a normal relationship that doesn't consist of IM,texts,phone calls, or video chat. I think Its about time for my time.

Moving,.

Moving allows you to clean up something things that you might have not known you still had. As I'm cleaning out my closets and drawers I finding things from my past that I don't need anymore. Its interesting reading the cards, letters, or postcards, seeing some pictures that seem almost a distant life. I thought about it for a while, whether I should keep some of the stuff. I decided not to, I know myself and I don't need those thoughts or reminders. Somethings should be forgotten.

There is a new chapter in my life, I'm anxious and eagerly looking forward to it with great enthusiasm. To say that its uncharted waters would be a understatement but as I heard today
"you got take risks to get the biscuit!" I don't know if that actually refers to anything but I'm going to incorporate.

I'm soo exhausted right now that I can hardly keep my eyes open so I'll take that as a sign to go to bed.

adieu.

This is what happens when I go home

As many of you know I can be very emotional when I play video games,sports, or whenever. Well Alex is the same way..

So it was kinda funny when my mom had this gem of advice when me and alex were playing Bond on the Gamecube. As you can see we're engrossed in killing each other and my mom is reminding us that perhaps its the game that is causing such a hostile reaction.

in my head..

You left in my car where you were holding my hand,

you're were traveling with me with broken promises and backup plans.

I've been innocently stumbling and you've been taking full advantage, how could you?

Please don't say its true.

Now I've lost a friend and in my head all things are silent again.

Can't remember our last kiss and it was done out of pity!

I need more than giving moments and reminincing stories and words only spoken out of guilt

You didn't win my heart that way.

It feels..it feels like none of this is real

I pretend that my heart and head are well

then the blood starts pumping through my veins and freezes like a river in Toronto, well I'd be pleased If I could hear you say that I made you feel warm,

that I can make you feel warm again.

Weekends

I became some sort of a hermit this past weekend. I might of left my house a couple of times to go outside and feel the warm sun on my amber skin. I sometimes think about how many times I actually talk to people during the day, like a conversation that doesn't contain things that aren't work,movie,music, or weather related. Its kinda a low number if I must be honest. Anyways that was just random, I watched tons of movies over the weekend thanks to the new Redbox down the road. I came across this singer, Teddy Thompson. I know that for all those of you who have seen Brokeback Mountain he's a familiar voice but since I haven't seen it this was like a new little musical present. My favorite song is "Separate Ways".

In other news I'm giving up Beer for good. This weekend reminded me why I can't drink it, apparently my body has sensitive balance in which Beer doesn't not fit in any matter of way. Its not even like I binged on beer, It was a pint or two and my nights were jacked up with heart burn. I'll see how I long I can do it for. Last of all I spoke with mi Mama this weekend for mother's day. She was chillin with my sis and brother-in-law. I keep on missing out on stuff because I live all the way down here...I think I might of mentioned it over the weekend but my time here is coming to an end( not here like being alive but the Southeast) I think I need to find a way to get back up north.

This is like a runaway blog..I found this tag at a Marshall's over the weekend. I just like it because it has Les in it...I think he was trying to spell Please?!

Oh my..

I just read what I wrote a couple of days ago...its not good to have that much emotion towards something that shouldn't matter. Well at least it was in the privacy of the internet, right. I've been having a running discussion with the girl I'm seeing right now about my friends. We have a difference of opinions on the matter (I'm right and she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about!) I'm having this kind of inclination that I need to get up and get the hell out of dodge. Maybe go work over seas like my friend Andrew, well the only difference is that I don't think he's ever coming back stateside to live. I've been kinda moping around this week. I talk to my friend about what his GF said about me and I let him that she hasn't been receptive or even cordial with me for me to even approach her to gesture an acknowlegement...anyways we got it straightened out.

I realized that I didn't even celebrate Cinco de Mayo, geez..
I need a pick me up.

I can't believe I'm missing my family reunion.!!

Too much inner dating can be bad for your social health.

I don't know but it seems like the pool of women that are available to date has dwindle to a mere few that haven't dated a friend of a friend or something like that. This weekend was a good example of that. Someone I dated 3 yrs ago is now dating a friend of mine...it ended in a bad way and she had a reason to not like me or be mad at me but its been 3 yrs and she's dated someone the whole time during that. I was the best man at this wedding, she really shouldn't of been there not because of me but for the mere fact that she's a two faced judgemental bitch. I didn't acknowledge her the whole day because I have nothing to say to her, we would talk online and then she blocked me, every time she has a opportunity she brings up old shit or says bad things about me. So how am I the asshole for not saying a damn thing to a person that bad mouths me? The fact that my buddy asked me if I would be uncomfortable with her coming and I said no because I don't want it to be about me and her should show some fucking maturity. I'm not fake, so there is no sense in going through a charade. I kinda reacted in a very explosive manner but its just a summation of things that I've had to deal with, its just gets to be too much. You don't want me to talk to you but then you do? WTF?

Its late..but I can't seem to fall asleep. I think its hard falling asleep in a house where I'm the only thing with a restless mind.
Ah there is going to be a little get together in the next 3 weeks, there are going to be faces I haven't seen in a long time and there will be stories retold and perhaps relived. Its a interesting situation where the past meets the present but how much as I would love to have them both co exist the reality of it is, you slowly let go of those memories and replace them with more current ones. The names and faces remain but the part in your stories change. Anyways it will be nice to be with a group of people that have been quite instrumental in the past 10 yrs of my life. Though our paths have veered in different directions its nice to know that for 4 yrs we shared common interests, common friendships, and common bottom lines.

It should be a blast and I can't wait.

Man I don't know what it is about techno or dance music that just makes me happy! Its hard to be in a bad mood
when you're shaking your ass. Seriously when was the last time you were made dancing? I mean its possible but
chances are you wouldn't be dancing in the first place! I'm currently listening to "The Gossip- Listen UP"
Its kinda like a funky lounge beat mixed with raspy vocals. The point is that get off your couch, your desk, your plush leather
like chair. Put on your headphones and shake your ass for at least 5 minutes...if anything I'm sure it will bring a smile to your
face and those who walk in on you doing your little dance where you bite your bottom lip and awkwardly sway your hips.

One more thing, I subscribe to Details(an increasingly more gay mag as years go by) and lately they've been having this stupid bit where this lady tells you how you should wear clothes, how goatee's are not cool, Fedora's might uber uncool, that you should try wearing white jeans! Ladies and gentlemen
please,please stop the cross gender advice! I wouldn't know a thing about how you should wear your turquoise top with a scarf and skinny jeans accompanied with flats without looking like you meant to look classic but with a modern twist (what does that even mean?). I just made that up, I don't know if it looks good on you or whether people that I associate myself are the kinds of people that I should be talking to. Women know what they like and for the most part men know how
they look when they feel most comfortable. So if I want to wear a Fedora with a 3 day old beard and some old ass jeans,I'm going to wear them..and screw you for shaking your head at me because I'm that crazy cool to pull it off and not give
a damn that I might just look like a damn fool(That sentence was suppose to end a couple of words ago). Honestly at the end of the day who gives a rat's ass? IF you said no one give me a call, I'd like to hang out! (Or Facebook me, I check that as much as my phone)

But Mostly I Feel Happy..

Cuando tu me dices a media voz que me amas
Me siento tan sublime como el tibio sol de la mañana
Y esto es lo que tu me haces sentir
Desde el dia en que te conocií

Cuando tu me dices a media voz que te ame
Me siento invencible como el huracan mas temible
Y esto es lo que tu me haces sentir
Desde el dia en que te conocií

No siento penas ni dolores de cabeza
Ni confusion de ninguna naturaleza
Ni tampoco siento mas tristeza
Solo siento amor solo siento amor
Solo siento amor solo siento amor
Que por supuesto es todo para ti
Desde el dia en que te conocií

Cuando tu me dices a media voz que no me vaya
Me siento indestructible como un cayon de metralla
Y esto es lo que te me haces sentir
Desde el día en que te conocií

No siento penas ni dolores de cabeza
Ni confusion de ninguna naturaleza
Ni tampoco siento mas tristeza
Solo siento amor

No siento penas ni dolores de cabeza
Ni confusion de ninguna naturaleza
Ni tampoco siento mas tristeza
Solo siento amor solo siento amor
Que por supuesto es todo para ti
Desde el dia en que te conocií

~Juanes

Sometimes I feel sad..

But then I get little emails like this in my inbox and I can't help but smile, like this cheesy smile! Ha ha I think I like the description more than the t-shirt.

I would buy it but I've already wasted enough money on Canadian inspired goods. I would have to say based on my investing experience "it" yields very low returns.

Anyways, Its becoming abundantly clear that facebook is just going farther than I think It would. I got a add request from a friend's mom. I just don' t think I can start adding parents, its just kind of weird. I mean what's next, they'll follow my tweets on twitter? Which leads me to my next little rant. Wtf? I swear Michael was just telling me about this last year and I was like what the hell is that? I joined and now its like on the radio, on tv, my favorite magazine's. Everybody is tweeting, who the hell is doing all this stuff? There has to be someone out there not doing a damn thing but chances are that person will twitter saying he isn't doing anything! Imagine if even Osama had twitter..." Ah just chillin in a cave again, sipping some desert soup and having some cactus juice, wondering if Family guy will do another bit on me?"

Sorry, It just seems like that's all we could talk about for some time and now its like poof, no more Osama talk? Just Obama... interesting how one letter can make suck a big difference.

lunch time..

You're delicious!

Your smooth texture soothes me.
You taste like berries and goodness all mixed up in a heavenly concoction.
Your cold exterior chills my body when heat is beating down on me.
You're super, with blue, red, and ras...low in fat, high on taste.

I love you smoothie, I've fought you long a enough. I surrender my taste buds to you.
I can't shun you from my lips, they just seem to only want to taste you.
I'll sip and sip till there is only slurping
Even then, I'll tilt the cup to get every last drop till there is no more!

Your Ex Lover is Dead..

(I really like this song, I stumbled upon it a while back ! I I literally stumbled on it..)

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…

Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

~Stars

Hoping for a miracle.

Yesterday I talked to mom, she told me that my friend's dad has 3 months to live. He was my first basketball coach and he hooked me up with my first summer job, I spent countless hours in his back yard playing basketball with his sons which usually ended up us getting into trouble. I grew up with his kids and we remained close til I moved away to Andrews. Needless to say he's close to my family, I heard through an email that he wasn't doing well but talking to my mom last night it kind of just hit me and I had a really cloud of sadness come over me. I'm not ashamed to say that I shed some tears. I know that we all have our time and when God decides "that's it" well that's it; however he's dying from something he can't fight, a rare form of stomach cancer. He's was one of the fittest and healthiest men I know. He played basketball, ran, hiked, biked, etc..he wasn't the guy that sat on his couch and got fat. To hear that he's wilting away was hard to hear. I think of how its not fair that my friends are losing their father that way, to have to see him physically break down from the cancer eating him away. Just not fair, just not fair.

It's a 180 for me in the sense that I was just on vacation trip where I was closed off from the world. I had no cares and I really wasn't thinking about anyone but myself, I was being selfish. Anyways I'm praying for my friend's Dad, his name Rex. I'm praying/hoping for a miracle.

Cash that check..

I can't say that I was looking forward to this birthday but I mean its part of life. The elasticity of your skin loosens up, that burst of speed that you had 10 yrs ago fades, you start seeing wrinkles where there once weren't any. I look forward towards the next couple of years since I feel I'll be ushering a new phase of my life, its inevitable. Anyways, thanks for all the birthday wishes to those who have said them and to those who forgot but meant to.

Goodbye 20's and hello 30.

Will you be my valentimes?

I see you gurl, sitting all by your lonesome sipping your latte.
What's this, the latest edition of cosmo and elle, come on baby, do tell.
I know I look rough in my tim's, camo pants,and my hat is tilted to the side.
But thugs can love too and baby right now I'm thinking I could love you boo.

wait, wait, I'm no thug so this wouldn't work,

Roses are red and violets are blue
I've had my eye on you
I got flowers and candy
So I'll just go ahead and take you home.

hmm, yeah, probably not a good one either..

think les, think..

I never have a reason to call or to write,
but I can sit and listen to you for hours, you can keep me up all night.
You'll sometimes correct what I say or make fun of my words on my site.
I can't always say that I know exactly what you mean but somehow it feels right.

Now when I hear a song, I think about if you'd like it too.
I pick up books that once just brushed my fingers tips
I wonder if things that make me laugh will make you laugh too.
And although I don't know enough, I do know you have soft lips.

I could be sitting, waiting, and wishing like a jack johnson song
To have you tell me it would be good to be my valentine
I'd bring you flowers and candy, would that be so wrong?
So before we run out of time will be you be my sweet valentimes?

You can't understand

You can't plan for the unexpected but you shouldn't dismiss even after it happens. I wish It was simple and I wish I had the answers because I could act on them. The deeper you dig, the farther you sink and I don't think I'm ready for that unknown. When you narrow it down, its not about doing what you want to do, Its about doing what you should do. Feelings can be disorienting, you can lose sight and ultimately do more harm than good.
Fortuity and caution usually don't go hand and hand, man timing is bitch along with geography I would say those are the two things that have hampered me in my life the most. Anyways this probably doesn't make any sense but because I'm being as vague as possible.

Its been a little while..

What's that saying, A picture is worth a thousand words! Hmm, there's a mouthful of truth to that. I for one find that not all pictures tell you the same thing, if you know someone for instance, you know that look that person gives when they're utterly happy or sad. There's an acknowledgement of what the person might be feeling. I wonder what my picture would tell you. I know what I'm feeling at this very moment and its not ineffable, I could divulge but at the sake of just letting go of the whole damn experience I'll keep it to myself. I will say this, just because there is a picture with people smiling it doesn't equate to someone seeing that picture also smiling.

Hmmm, there were remnants of the past in that sentence...as much as I want to put that shit behind me, when it creeps up I still feel absolutely sick about it. Its soo true that you might forgive but you'll never forget..to be honest with you I would rather never forgive and just forget it all together.

If anything, I need to experience catharsis. For some time I was driven by visceral notions.
Now, I have indignation and I'm struggling with it because its antipodean of what I felt for this person. Years of desire,enthusiasm, and respect. I now have none for her, it makes me sad. The part that I strived for is transient, what remains is the last impression.

Hay paz en la locura.

Aunque no te conosco es muy aparante que eres un mujer muy especial.
Tus maners son explícita a tu personalidad.
En mis poco momentos en que me haz dado la oportunidad para conocerte a mirado que eres sincera, tu curiosidad es adictivo, tu risa me da una sonrisa.
Hay algo en ti que se siente muy familiar, casi se siente que te conocia, pero no lo sabia.
Es imposible no querer seguir, a pesar de que sé que tendrá que terminar por que este encuentro es demasiado dulce para sobrevivir.
Tus labios aún están grabado en mi mente como imágenes que nunca se desvanecen.
Tus ojos son vibrantes y profundos, Si los sigo mirando seguramente me perderia.

Mi lucha, es sabiendo lo que tengo que hacer y haciendo lo que quero hacer.

Ojala, que no seas un sueno..un lindo sueno que nunca deberia soñado.

Meeting again..

Bold, you're bold..but your words are sincere
I can't figure you out,which explains why you fuel my curiosity
I haven't a clue when it comes to what make you.. you.
I play it cool and I say a thing or two, clever little sayings to distract you,
distract you from seeing how nervous I get around you.

I don't know what I'm doing, I certainly don't know what I'm saying but It feels like things just happen
they happen when I'm talking to you, A thought can turn into a hour, a hour can turn into a night,
I'm nervous what a night could turn into. There's no real explanation, is there? How insane can it be to want to talk to someone that you just met, some you just met again?

Who knew.. Not me, so here I go.
Hi, You don't really know me and I don't really know you..but we've met, we've met again. I enjoy your company, I enjoy your thoughts, and I enjoy being around you. That's the only thing I know right now but that's ok for now. I'll take that over most things.

Easy post..

What are your favorite shoes?
All of them, ha ha..i have a lot of shoes but I would have to say my favorite are my brown lace ups that look like boots but they’re not!

What does your favorite shirt or blouse look like?
Well I’m assuming it would be shirt for me, so, hmm I like a plain white oxford with the sleeves rolled up.

What does your favorite tee shirt say on it?
“wi(red)”

Do you think you look better in casual or business attire?
Yes, yes I do.

What do you sleep in?
Nothing..I sleep in absolutely nothing but sometime I don’t wake up that way?

Do you wear expensive sneakers?
I use to, but if 50 bucks is expensive then yes...I’m over labels when it comes to sneakers.

What is your favorite hat?
My Fedora.

Your preference for women: Boxers or briefs?
I changed the question..I like women in boxers..sometimes..

Your preference for women: Suits or dresses?
Pant suits..

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
June 28, 2008…I never got to mail it.

Can you change the oil on a car?
I can but I don’t.

Name three things you have on you at all times.
Celly, keys, and a expression.

What’s your life motto?
Que Vida- What a life.

What’s a word that you say a lot?
yo

What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was on the phone...

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Its good to be alive.

Who is your worst enemy?
Me

What does your watch look like?
Currently it looks like a aluminum box with green numbers

Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days?
Thursday

Is there a day of the week that seems to never end?
Tuesday

Have you ever had a strong crush on someone, but did not say anything to that person? If yes, why?
No, I’ve never been one to sit on my hands..

Have you had a crush in secret and then told that person? If yes, what happened?
Isn’t this like the question above…what happened next is that I moved on with my life son.

Have you ever been stalked?
yes but not by women..

Have you ever, in retrospect, stalked someone?
Nope but I coincidently ran into people all the time.

Have you ever slept with someone on a first date?
No.

Have you ever regretted not sleeping with someone?
This question should read “have you ever regretted sleeping with someone” because the answer would be, yes.

What attracts you first to someone else?
Their eyes…their beautiful brown,blue,or green eyes……..

When there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm really buzzin right now and not in the sense that artificial sense. Like I have this smile on my face. I can't say that It was totally expected or all my doing but right now its very..sweet. I don't always understand why things are the way they are but you gotta go with the flow. I'm left a little bit speechless after all because I don't know what to say, I don't know really what to say. I lingered but I knew I had to turn around and walk away. Hmmm, vague..yeah It certainly is but no more personal memoirs for the big bad Internet. All I can is that I'm still smiling even though I'm frowning..what will come of this chance encounter....

I'm ok...I'm finally feeling ok.

Its taken some knocks to get me back to where I was before. I don't feel sorry for myself, I never did but now I don't feel sad. I have cheerful disposition on the future. Granted its not what I had in mind or what I had planned for but its mine nonetheless & I'm looking forward to grabbing and owning it. Is it a cliche, perhaps but life full of those, got make the best out of the worst.

So here I am, 2009 a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday...They say 30 is the new 20, well I hope that isn't the case because I was a complete idiot at 20. I've done some growing up since then, I'm not finished product by no means but I'm steady. I don't blink, I don't shake,and I don't rattle..

Anyways enough of this positive self talk mumbo jumbo. All I know is that I can't look back, I can't go back to where I was and to how I felt. I might not be ready for everything that will come way but I'm ready to get out this quicksand and find a new path.
To me that just sounds really nice.