Its late..but I can't seem to fall asleep. I think its hard falling asleep in a house where I'm the only thing with a restless mind.
Ah there is going to be a little get together in the next 3 weeks, there are going to be faces I haven't seen in a long time and there will be stories retold and perhaps relived. Its a interesting situation where the past meets the present but how much as I would love to have them both co exist the reality of it is, you slowly let go of those memories and replace them with more current ones. The names and faces remain but the part in your stories change. Anyways it will be nice to be with a group of people that have been quite instrumental in the past 10 yrs of my life. Though our paths have veered in different directions its nice to know that for 4 yrs we shared common interests, common friendships, and common bottom lines.

It should be a blast and I can't wait.

Man I don't know what it is about techno or dance music that just makes me happy! Its hard to be in a bad mood
when you're shaking your ass. Seriously when was the last time you were made dancing? I mean its possible but
chances are you wouldn't be dancing in the first place! I'm currently listening to "The Gossip- Listen UP"
Its kinda like a funky lounge beat mixed with raspy vocals. The point is that get off your couch, your desk, your plush leather
like chair. Put on your headphones and shake your ass for at least 5 minutes...if anything I'm sure it will bring a smile to your
face and those who walk in on you doing your little dance where you bite your bottom lip and awkwardly sway your hips.

One more thing, I subscribe to Details(an increasingly more gay mag as years go by) and lately they've been having this stupid bit where this lady tells you how you should wear clothes, how goatee's are not cool, Fedora's might uber uncool, that you should try wearing white jeans! Ladies and gentlemen
please,please stop the cross gender advice! I wouldn't know a thing about how you should wear your turquoise top with a scarf and skinny jeans accompanied with flats without looking like you meant to look classic but with a modern twist (what does that even mean?). I just made that up, I don't know if it looks good on you or whether people that I associate myself are the kinds of people that I should be talking to. Women know what they like and for the most part men know how
they look when they feel most comfortable. So if I want to wear a Fedora with a 3 day old beard and some old ass jeans,I'm going to wear them..and screw you for shaking your head at me because I'm that crazy cool to pull it off and not give
a damn that I might just look like a damn fool(That sentence was suppose to end a couple of words ago). Honestly at the end of the day who gives a rat's ass? IF you said no one give me a call, I'd like to hang out! (Or Facebook me, I check that as much as my phone)

But Mostly I Feel Happy..

Cuando tu me dices a media voz que me amas
Me siento tan sublime como el tibio sol de la mañana
Y esto es lo que tu me haces sentir
Desde el dia en que te conocií

Cuando tu me dices a media voz que te ame
Me siento invencible como el huracan mas temible
Y esto es lo que tu me haces sentir
Desde el dia en que te conocií

No siento penas ni dolores de cabeza
Ni confusion de ninguna naturaleza
Ni tampoco siento mas tristeza
Solo siento amor solo siento amor
Solo siento amor solo siento amor
Que por supuesto es todo para ti
Desde el dia en que te conocií

Cuando tu me dices a media voz que no me vaya
Me siento indestructible como un cayon de metralla
Y esto es lo que te me haces sentir
Desde el día en que te conocií

No siento penas ni dolores de cabeza
Ni confusion de ninguna naturaleza
Ni tampoco siento mas tristeza
Solo siento amor

No siento penas ni dolores de cabeza
Ni confusion de ninguna naturaleza
Ni tampoco siento mas tristeza
Solo siento amor solo siento amor
Que por supuesto es todo para ti
Desde el dia en que te conocií

~Juanes

Sometimes I feel sad..

But then I get little emails like this in my inbox and I can't help but smile, like this cheesy smile! Ha ha I think I like the description more than the t-shirt.

I would buy it but I've already wasted enough money on Canadian inspired goods. I would have to say based on my investing experience "it" yields very low returns.

Anyways, Its becoming abundantly clear that facebook is just going farther than I think It would. I got a add request from a friend's mom. I just don' t think I can start adding parents, its just kind of weird. I mean what's next, they'll follow my tweets on twitter? Which leads me to my next little rant. Wtf? I swear Michael was just telling me about this last year and I was like what the hell is that? I joined and now its like on the radio, on tv, my favorite magazine's. Everybody is tweeting, who the hell is doing all this stuff? There has to be someone out there not doing a damn thing but chances are that person will twitter saying he isn't doing anything! Imagine if even Osama had twitter..." Ah just chillin in a cave again, sipping some desert soup and having some cactus juice, wondering if Family guy will do another bit on me?"

Sorry, It just seems like that's all we could talk about for some time and now its like poof, no more Osama talk? Just Obama... interesting how one letter can make suck a big difference.

lunch time..

You're delicious!

Your smooth texture soothes me.
You taste like berries and goodness all mixed up in a heavenly concoction.
Your cold exterior chills my body when heat is beating down on me.
You're super, with blue, red, and ras...low in fat, high on taste.

I love you smoothie, I've fought you long a enough. I surrender my taste buds to you.
I can't shun you from my lips, they just seem to only want to taste you.
I'll sip and sip till there is only slurping
Even then, I'll tilt the cup to get every last drop till there is no more!

Your Ex Lover is Dead..

(I really like this song, I stumbled upon it a while back ! I I literally stumbled on it..)

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…

Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

~Stars

Hoping for a miracle.

Yesterday I talked to mom, she told me that my friend's dad has 3 months to live. He was my first basketball coach and he hooked me up with my first summer job, I spent countless hours in his back yard playing basketball with his sons which usually ended up us getting into trouble. I grew up with his kids and we remained close til I moved away to Andrews. Needless to say he's close to my family, I heard through an email that he wasn't doing well but talking to my mom last night it kind of just hit me and I had a really cloud of sadness come over me. I'm not ashamed to say that I shed some tears. I know that we all have our time and when God decides "that's it" well that's it; however he's dying from something he can't fight, a rare form of stomach cancer. He's was one of the fittest and healthiest men I know. He played basketball, ran, hiked, biked, etc..he wasn't the guy that sat on his couch and got fat. To hear that he's wilting away was hard to hear. I think of how its not fair that my friends are losing their father that way, to have to see him physically break down from the cancer eating him away. Just not fair, just not fair.

It's a 180 for me in the sense that I was just on vacation trip where I was closed off from the world. I had no cares and I really wasn't thinking about anyone but myself, I was being selfish. Anyways I'm praying for my friend's Dad, his name Rex. I'm praying/hoping for a miracle.

Cash that check..

I can't say that I was looking forward to this birthday but I mean its part of life. The elasticity of your skin loosens up, that burst of speed that you had 10 yrs ago fades, you start seeing wrinkles where there once weren't any. I look forward towards the next couple of years since I feel I'll be ushering a new phase of my life, its inevitable. Anyways, thanks for all the birthday wishes to those who have said them and to those who forgot but meant to.

Goodbye 20's and hello 30.

Will you be my valentimes?

I see you gurl, sitting all by your lonesome sipping your latte.
What's this, the latest edition of cosmo and elle, come on baby, do tell.
I know I look rough in my tim's, camo pants,and my hat is tilted to the side.
But thugs can love too and baby right now I'm thinking I could love you boo.

wait, wait, I'm no thug so this wouldn't work,

Roses are red and violets are blue
I've had my eye on you
I got flowers and candy
So I'll just go ahead and take you home.

hmm, yeah, probably not a good one either..

think les, think..

I never have a reason to call or to write,
but I can sit and listen to you for hours, you can keep me up all night.
You'll sometimes correct what I say or make fun of my words on my site.
I can't always say that I know exactly what you mean but somehow it feels right.

Now when I hear a song, I think about if you'd like it too.
I pick up books that once just brushed my fingers tips
I wonder if things that make me laugh will make you laugh too.
And although I don't know enough, I do know you have soft lips.

I could be sitting, waiting, and wishing like a jack johnson song
To have you tell me it would be good to be my valentine
I'd bring you flowers and candy, would that be so wrong?
So before we run out of time will be you be my sweet valentimes?

You can't understand

You can't plan for the unexpected but you shouldn't dismiss even after it happens. I wish It was simple and I wish I had the answers because I could act on them. The deeper you dig, the farther you sink and I don't think I'm ready for that unknown. When you narrow it down, its not about doing what you want to do, Its about doing what you should do. Feelings can be disorienting, you can lose sight and ultimately do more harm than good.
Fortuity and caution usually don't go hand and hand, man timing is bitch along with geography I would say those are the two things that have hampered me in my life the most. Anyways this probably doesn't make any sense but because I'm being as vague as possible.

Its been a little while..

What's that saying, A picture is worth a thousand words! Hmm, there's a mouthful of truth to that. I for one find that not all pictures tell you the same thing, if you know someone for instance, you know that look that person gives when they're utterly happy or sad. There's an acknowledgement of what the person might be feeling. I wonder what my picture would tell you. I know what I'm feeling at this very moment and its not ineffable, I could divulge but at the sake of just letting go of the whole damn experience I'll keep it to myself. I will say this, just because there is a picture with people smiling it doesn't equate to someone seeing that picture also smiling.

Hmmm, there were remnants of the past in that sentence...as much as I want to put that shit behind me, when it creeps up I still feel absolutely sick about it. Its soo true that you might forgive but you'll never forget..to be honest with you I would rather never forgive and just forget it all together.

If anything, I need to experience catharsis. For some time I was driven by visceral notions.
Now, I have indignation and I'm struggling with it because its antipodean of what I felt for this person. Years of desire,enthusiasm, and respect. I now have none for her, it makes me sad. The part that I strived for is transient, what remains is the last impression.

Hay paz en la locura.

Aunque no te conosco es muy aparante que eres un mujer muy especial.
Tus maners son explícita a tu personalidad.
En mis poco momentos en que me haz dado la oportunidad para conocerte a mirado que eres sincera, tu curiosidad es adictivo, tu risa me da una sonrisa.
Hay algo en ti que se siente muy familiar, casi se siente que te conocia, pero no lo sabia.
Es imposible no querer seguir, a pesar de que sé que tendrá que terminar por que este encuentro es demasiado dulce para sobrevivir.
Tus labios aún están grabado en mi mente como imágenes que nunca se desvanecen.
Tus ojos son vibrantes y profundos, Si los sigo mirando seguramente me perderia.

Mi lucha, es sabiendo lo que tengo que hacer y haciendo lo que quero hacer.

Ojala, que no seas un sueno..un lindo sueno que nunca deberia soñado.

Meeting again..

Bold, you're bold..but your words are sincere
I can't figure you out,which explains why you fuel my curiosity
I haven't a clue when it comes to what make you.. you.
I play it cool and I say a thing or two, clever little sayings to distract you,
distract you from seeing how nervous I get around you.

I don't know what I'm doing, I certainly don't know what I'm saying but It feels like things just happen
they happen when I'm talking to you, A thought can turn into a hour, a hour can turn into a night,
I'm nervous what a night could turn into. There's no real explanation, is there? How insane can it be to want to talk to someone that you just met, some you just met again?

Who knew.. Not me, so here I go.
Hi, You don't really know me and I don't really know you..but we've met, we've met again. I enjoy your company, I enjoy your thoughts, and I enjoy being around you. That's the only thing I know right now but that's ok for now. I'll take that over most things.

Easy post..

What are your favorite shoes?
All of them, ha ha..i have a lot of shoes but I would have to say my favorite are my brown lace ups that look like boots but they’re not!

What does your favorite shirt or blouse look like?
Well I’m assuming it would be shirt for me, so, hmm I like a plain white oxford with the sleeves rolled up.

What does your favorite tee shirt say on it?
“wi(red)”

Do you think you look better in casual or business attire?
Yes, yes I do.

What do you sleep in?
Nothing..I sleep in absolutely nothing but sometime I don’t wake up that way?

Do you wear expensive sneakers?
I use to, but if 50 bucks is expensive then yes...I’m over labels when it comes to sneakers.

What is your favorite hat?
My Fedora.

Your preference for women: Boxers or briefs?
I changed the question..I like women in boxers..sometimes..

Your preference for women: Suits or dresses?
Pant suits..

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
June 28, 2008…I never got to mail it.

Can you change the oil on a car?
I can but I don’t.

Name three things you have on you at all times.
Celly, keys, and a expression.

What’s your life motto?
Que Vida- What a life.

What’s a word that you say a lot?
yo

What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was on the phone...

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Its good to be alive.

Who is your worst enemy?
Me

What does your watch look like?
Currently it looks like a aluminum box with green numbers

Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days?
Thursday

Is there a day of the week that seems to never end?
Tuesday

Have you ever had a strong crush on someone, but did not say anything to that person? If yes, why?
No, I’ve never been one to sit on my hands..

Have you had a crush in secret and then told that person? If yes, what happened?
Isn’t this like the question above…what happened next is that I moved on with my life son.

Have you ever been stalked?
yes but not by women..

Have you ever, in retrospect, stalked someone?
Nope but I coincidently ran into people all the time.

Have you ever slept with someone on a first date?
No.

Have you ever regretted not sleeping with someone?
This question should read “have you ever regretted sleeping with someone” because the answer would be, yes.

What attracts you first to someone else?
Their eyes…their beautiful brown,blue,or green eyes……..

When there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm really buzzin right now and not in the sense that artificial sense. Like I have this smile on my face. I can't say that It was totally expected or all my doing but right now its very..sweet. I don't always understand why things are the way they are but you gotta go with the flow. I'm left a little bit speechless after all because I don't know what to say, I don't know really what to say. I lingered but I knew I had to turn around and walk away. Hmmm, vague..yeah It certainly is but no more personal memoirs for the big bad Internet. All I can is that I'm still smiling even though I'm frowning..what will come of this chance encounter....

I'm ok...I'm finally feeling ok.

Its taken some knocks to get me back to where I was before. I don't feel sorry for myself, I never did but now I don't feel sad. I have cheerful disposition on the future. Granted its not what I had in mind or what I had planned for but its mine nonetheless & I'm looking forward to grabbing and owning it. Is it a cliche, perhaps but life full of those, got make the best out of the worst.

So here I am, 2009 a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday...They say 30 is the new 20, well I hope that isn't the case because I was a complete idiot at 20. I've done some growing up since then, I'm not finished product by no means but I'm steady. I don't blink, I don't shake,and I don't rattle..

Anyways enough of this positive self talk mumbo jumbo. All I know is that I can't look back, I can't go back to where I was and to how I felt. I might not be ready for everything that will come way but I'm ready to get out this quicksand and find a new path.
To me that just sounds really nice.

Wow, 366 days,,

I mean its not like its the last day of school or anything and I can just throw my papers in the air....though it would be nice if we could just be like redo because its the new year. I wish but tomorrow will be like any other day except it will end with an 09. I've already did a review of this year and to be honest I really don't have much of anything new to say. I've come to realize that I really miss my family, I haven't laughed that much since I was living at Mechanic and everyone was there just chillin. I've traveled a lot this year, well for not being a business traveler I did some flying albeit alone, which I don't like...I don't like doing things alone......I'm better in a pair then flying solo everywhere ( damn I have to stop seussing- {I made that word up})

Anyways the trip up to GR was good, I spent time with my sis and Noah, took them out to brunch like the cool brother that I am, we talked, we laughed-the common variable this past weekend...I know where I get my silliness, its my mom..and I know where I get the other conflict traits, My dad.
I'm rambling, I should go shave because I look like a wookie right now!

It was nice to meet you 2008, can't say that I enjoyed you as much as I'd hope but we tried right, so I don't know how to tell you this but you should probably go...2009 is waiting for me.

A Sentimental Playlist

A valiant try, to navigate to your heart through lyric and song.
I've picked out 10, no make that 15, oh lets just say an even 20. 20 songs that will tell a story, a story about how I met a girl. Through perfect and imperfect circumstances we met and our conversation lasted, it lasted years, I thought I'd be in the middle of that for rest of my life. Even though I didn't know you and you didn't know me, you had my playlist. Each song, each tune told you how I felt about you. It was never meant to last you see, I was passing by on my way to my life, your words, your curves, your eyes and your sweet lies they all came together but the list had to end.

It took ever nerve inside me to ask and Its taken every nerve to Let Go.

Coming down to the end, I think I'll ride it out..

Goodluck, takecare, and peace out.

Thanks Mom

So I know this is a picture of a picture and that you can see the little HP in the back, well that happens to be the scanner that I was trying to use but it doesn't work so I'm doing a ghetto post.
This is a pic of me and my mom way back when, she's pretty great and I'm very happy to have her as my mom. She gave me the best present today, a ticket to come see her and my family! I'm pretty stoked about that seeing how I would be sitting in my house today by myself eating ramen noodles.

I'm sure everyone has their hero's, mine just happens to be my mom! =)
Merry Christmas...

Another version to a wonderful song..

If the fish swam out of the ocean
and grew legs and they started walking
and the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking

and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now i'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

i looked up into the night sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
i see nothing but black

i feel a way of something beyond them
i don't see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold
Listen here