Sunday, December 14, 2008


As of late I've been contemplating about shutting down, as in just not ever writing on this blog/journal or as I like to say this open wound again. I'm pretty sure that I have no clue of how I actually feel right now. If I were to describe myself in a color I would say that I'm a shade of Melancholy that is close to enough to be mistaken for sad. I think God created Love to keep people from ever getting too smart, because as clever, witty or smart as I ever feel when it comes to loving someone that I shouldn't love, I'm absolutely stupid.

Damnit, I'm at crossing at a pivotal point in that I need to make a conscience decision to never go back, I could love you forever and I could say I'd wait forever but I have a life to live that doesn't involve maybe's and flaky desicion making. You think...I don't know what you think, I don't know you anymore. I literally don't know who you are anymore. I am but stranger at your door, with words that meant something but they don't mean shit anymore. I can ponder, I can hope, I can try to do things that will help me cope but I don't want to know you anymore. Everyday traces of you chip away, yesterday I forgot how I met you, today I don't recognize your smile, and tomorrow well tomorrow who knows what else might wash away.

Its not ok but there isn't much I can do about it anyway.

1 comment:

I Hope So said...

i think writing helps us to figure out how we feel. and knowing other people are reading what we write, no matter how messy our hearts are at the time, helps us to remember we are real and alive.

i'm casting my vote for you to keep writing. i don't comment often but i read everything and i think it's beautiful.

my word verification: rundaway

that's kinda funny.