Posting..

As of late I've been contemplating about shutting down, as in just not ever writing on this blog/journal or as I like to say this open wound again. I'm pretty sure that I have no clue of how I actually feel right now. If I were to describe myself in a color I would say that I'm a shade of Melancholy that is close to enough to be mistaken for sad. I think God created Love to keep people from ever getting too smart, because as clever, witty or smart as I ever feel when it comes to loving someone that I shouldn't love, I'm absolutely stupid.

Damnit, I'm at crossing at a pivotal point in that I need to make a conscience decision to never go back, I could love you forever and I could say I'd wait forever but I have a life to live that doesn't involve maybe's and flaky desicion making. You think...I don't know what you think, I don't know you anymore. I literally don't know who you are anymore. I am but stranger at your door, with words that meant something but they don't mean shit anymore. I can ponder, I can hope, I can try to do things that will help me cope but I don't want to know you anymore. Everyday traces of you chip away, yesterday I forgot how I met you, today I don't recognize your smile, and tomorrow well tomorrow who knows what else might wash away.

Its not ok but there isn't much I can do about it anyway.