Sunday, November 23, 2008
If I ever...
Got in the car today and I just drove. I drove to coast, I ended up at the Atlantic or New Smyrna Beach to be more specific. I drove to the spot that I'm most familiar and I just walked, I walked and I walked some more. The sun was setting behind the tall condo on the beach, there weren't that many people out but enough were there to make feel like I wasn't all alone. I took pictures and waved hi to a couple of kids riding around in scooter. I did a lot of thinking and arguing with myself. Sometimes thats the best kind, to hear yourself out and realize what you're saying is either the craziest thing you've said or smartest. I haven't been that smart lately, I haven't been able to help myself through this ordeal that I've been thrown into. I don't feel sorry for myself and I hope that no one does but I do feel helpless. I should be loved the way that I loved, I should be treated the way I've treated...I'm good enough, I'm better than good enough... I'm tired of having to go through the same crap. I'm over the confusion, there isn't anything confusing about me, that's why you date. You put in the work and sometimes you get rich and sometimes you go broke, but in the end you know, you just know.
If I ever wake up from this..I hope I can look back and say I'm a better man because of it.