Being heard

Jared made a good point this past weekend.
" How is that I find women that take everything from me and then leave me with nothing?"
I don't know how to love any other way, I took a big big risk by letting Holly back into my life 2 1/2 yrs ago, ignoring the advice of many of my friends but I did it because I loved her soo much that I would take that chance, that I would gamble my heart again. When we were together it was great, it was right...

I could of been just a whatever kind of guy and not really gave it my all when it was hard but the way my heart pounds when I see her and how my skin tingles when she touches me. Why wouldn't I give my all, if you risk everything you can lose everything but you can also win everything. I wasn't scared of not asking her to marry me, I was scared of not asking her to marry me. No one can say that I didn't give it my all, that I didn't do everything I could do. I wouldn't do any other way even now when I can't tell which way is up.

Perhaps in the last post I was too harsh in that I wish I never met her, I don't mean any of that...
This has been the big disappointment of my life because she is the love of my life. The scope of my pain is the measurement of how much she meant to me.

I just need to remember that It wasn't just up to me..you can't give your life to someone that doesn't know what they want.

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

You are so beautiful to me
~ The fray

Sitting here

I don't know where to turn or where to go, I'm living in a nightmare, I just don't know when I get to wake up so It can end.

The disappointment I have in my heart is soo heavy that I feel like I'm climbing 6 feet out of the ground because I feel like a piece of me died.

We, I say we because I know she's felt this way too; we've struggled and have been frustrated and tired. All I want to do is be with her, I just want to be with her. Nothing else matters, we've let so much time past I've been ready for it for some time now. I put everything on the line this past weekend..I took a trip with no certain outcome...what do you when you love someone, you fight for them..I'm strong but I don't know how many times I can get up after taking blow after blow.. Leaving her has never been soooo hard, I contemplating just staying, just never coming back..I love my friends but they're not my life,they'll be my friends till I die but I'm talking about the love of my life,the woman I want to grow old with, have kids with...how can I just let it slip away, my whole heart is with her. She's my family, she my lady, she's my best friend. Yes I'm mad and yes I'm frustrated but most of all I'm just sad...I'm just sad. I don't want to feel like this anymore..seeing her was wonderful but having her right in front of me and then having too leave, there's no words to describe it..

I think regardless of what happens I'm leaving the States, for as much as it gives its also taken from me...

My stache

I tried to make fun of myself by well growing a mustache..I'm very capable of doing this because I have to shave right after I shave...so anyways I attempted to make the stache stick..this is me friday afternoon...I went out looking like this.....it lasted one night. I woke up and the thing was changing my personality. I was having cravings for denim shorts, trucker hats, and need to drink milk...odd, I know.

Heard your voice the other day

worked hard to choke away the tears..

There I listen in the stillness of my gray sky

Thinking there's nothing here to hold me now

tried to let go and all that came were tears.

Could you grant me a wish, just one wish, just one more kiss

kiss me, let me hold you till the nightlight meets day

Is there a way to play make believe

I know, there ain't nothing I can do but I'll play the fool

dream on with me like I do with you.

the night is closing in

Baby just love me all the way this time
Whisper truth, tell me sweet things

forget the troubles, I know who you are,

I understand

Even though we're covered in veils of mystery,

your lips erase my misery.
In you I've found my treasure

Filled my head full of pefect dreams

Can't you see,I'm putting down all my walls,

just take me, take all of me.

the night is here
Baby lets go all the way this time

Won't you love me all the way this time

Heard your voice the other day

choked on my tears

As I sat still under the dark gray sky.

Pain shoots through my hands
These long lonely nights
Are making me crazy
Morning won't come fast enough
Just a face in the Crowd as I let them pass me by

Faith gone from your eyes
Each word leaves as fast as it came
You're leaving me further away
so when that day comes
I've got no easy way to cry

As I think of you leave
I'm trapped inside, glued to my chair.
everywhere I go I find you
everything connects you to my mind
How right it all should be.

I expected something more, I wanted soo much more.
every time I got close I was left so far, so far behind.
If that's what this is about, this thing that we're in
then I'm ready, I'm willing, I'm for your war.

If you expect that I'll wither away like flowers on your wall
then perhaps you should rethink you're approach, I'm not leaving and I'm not going to fall.
I'm pushing away thoughts and fighting back tears
because I'm soo close to losing everything that we've gained in the past few years.

For as far as you might be, the distance, the time, I can feel you in my heart, you reside there
You've never left,
when I sleep, I sleep thinking of you,
when I dream, I dream of about being with you.

I wanna be next to you.
I need to be next to you.

Sitting on the bed enduring your punch

can’t pay attention to the sound of anyone

a little more numb, a little more scared

every minute more unprepared

I felt my heart break today

everything I loved got swept in tears

I want to start over, I want to be winning, smiling, being next to you

I'm way out of sync from the beginning, way to far from where we began.

I wanna hurry home to you

put my arms around you, be slow, do a show for you

and crack you up

Looking for somewhere to stand and stay

I leaned on the wall and the wall leaned away

Can I get a minute of not being nervous

and not thinking of being sick

My legs are heavy, my legs are pins

I liked to be honest, I'm losing my shit, I wish I was better but I can't help but feel it

I wanna hurry home to you, put my arms around you,

be slow, do a show for you

and crack you up

You know I dreamed about you

for twenty-nine years before I saw you

You know I dreamed about you

I missed you for twenty-nine years

You know I dreamed about you

for twenty-nine years before I saw you

You know I dreamed about you

I missed you for twenty-nine years

Big day for phone lovers around the world

So if you were hmmm, lucky enough to stand in line to pick up the new 3G Iphone today well I applaud you for taking that dive into technology heaven. Apparently you'll be able to control your Itunes on your computer from your phone like a remote control..here a link to the demo.
this is what happens when you trying leaving Verizon

sorry thats the wrong clip, this is the one I think you should check out

remote

So yeah after seeing that and all the hoopla I'm a bit on edge, I really need my Iphone Fix, so if anyone wants to sell me their old Iphones, yeah..I'm up for it..

I passed a cell phone store this morning on the way to work but no one was waiting outside for the Iphone there, I don't know maybe it was the sign that turned them off, ha ha..get it..have a great weekend.

Doodle of words..

How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without...
when words won't suffice to express how your life will be a void..
Oh to save our time together, I'd place it in a time capsule for others to find
so that people could know what It means to be in love.

Once, I thought I was great..No thing, no one could bind me
but then you came along and my sun rised and set with you.
My armor melted down and your lovely grace left me standing in place.
I thought I was living but I'd been sleepin until you.

How do you say goodbye to someone you can't imagine living without?
I would miss your face, the smell of your skin and the sound of your dear voice.
You terrorized me with your perfect lips, from them I heard love and lust
from them i ate love and from this they feed off this mess.

Even now, as I sit here drenched in the summer rain waiting for you I can't walk away..
you were the longest journey I've had but its been worth it if you're waiting at the end.

Sometimes timing has everything to do with it.

I don't know what it is about taking pictures of things that don't really fit or that some how are out of place. This was taken outside of a Firstwatch, I love Firstwatch and apparently so does this small patron that was coming in for his usual, the Floridian French Toast, he was told to make sure to pay his tab before he left. He responded by saying " Just put it on my Bill"

:)

HA, HA..yeah I know its corny...

Its just a name!

So a few of us ( Me,Bakes, Tical, and Justin) went to Vampire Weekend. There was a ticket available for this activity but every time they asked for the name of the concert they made this weird face like" Gross, how you could go to a vampire weekend!?"

Yeah, you all missed out, Erin and Kristy from PR's! Losers....

So yeah we get there and Club Firestone isn't gritty and cave like, I've been all wrong about that place...the show, because it was a show was great!! For those that don't like live concerts its crucial that you listen to all the songs of the band you're going to go, when you know the words or at least know a little bit of the words makes a huge difference! That's all I'm saying.

Another thing I found out this weekend is that women are as crazy and evil as men are. There isn't a difference between what a man will do and what a women would do. You can't say that "a woman would never do that" because you know what, there's nothing that a women is incapable of doing! I'll leave it at that.

OH, i do give a freak about an Oxford Comma. I might of misued it in this post.

Private Blogs

In my honest opinion I think having a private blog is perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, you have a blog. What is a blog= A frequently updated journal or diary usually, often hosted by a third party. The last part is the most crucial part, often hosted by a third party. That means that its really not private if you're hosting on a free website like blogspot/blogger. SO who are you trying to fool?I mean if you really want to write secrets or shit that you don't want anyone to read about, write in your little diary and store it under your pillow. Anyways just a pet peeve.

To you..

No one knows where we’ll go from here
Could I kiss you or would that be weird
Are we sure or are we somewhere in between?
Do you wanna be free
That place where we'd be.., Cuz in our minds we need it
But I'd be no where near you and you'd be no where near me.
A Move to an unknown City
Will you let go of my hand?
Leave the things on the doorstep
Was there no way around it
Will this be our last dance?
Fall asleep with the music on mi amor
Be back again
Do you wanna see it?
Our place,
Cuz in my mind I’ve been there
And there’s no one there but you and me
In the morning I’ll find you again
Let the light shine the way
Down a road that’s leading me somewhere I've never known
And there’s no way around it
Will this be our last dance?
Fall asleep with the music mi amor
I'll Be there with you again.

Taking things for granted

So as I surveyed today's headlines I was reminded that a good day for me might mean a day from hell for someone else.
I wasn't able to celebrate with my Ma yesterday for the mere fact that with ever growing prices in fuel tickets to Grand Rapids are increasingly more expensive. Though according to a CNN article Americans are one among those who pay less for fuel than the rest of the world
Cheap Gas

I suppose that's a comforting notion if I weren't paying 40+ at the gas pump to just go to work every day! I mean literally don't drive anywhere that requires more than a hour drive. The lure of the open road, though very rare in Central Florida, is all but shot into a mist of evaporated gas fumes. I just can't justify driving for the sake of driving. I know there are other things that are more pressing than gas prices, like the democratic nomination, the increase of killer weather patterns-in the past week there have been epic killer cyclones, earthquakes, tornado's, and famine's just terrorizing the world. I mean its not hard to stop and listen to what is going on around you to realize that we're at a pivotal point in the planet's existence. I don't want to say that we're at a breaking point because I don't really know what that means in today's age but I feel like a wave of change is coming. This country is about to have either a woman running for president or a ex black Muslim. I would of never thought that would be possible, at least while I was still relatively young ( though I don't' think I'm young anymore! )

Anyways, Its hard to say that nothing happened this weekend when so much is happening to others..I suppose I take normalcy for granted..

Can't stop listening to this song!

So I was watching one of my guilty pleasures on monday night after a ho hum monday at work...anyways the typical whatever music was playing in the background but I have to say that I truly enjoy the music tags on the tops of the screen because I was able to find this band and there awesome song in a breeze!! The band's name is Carolina liar and the song is called I'm Not Over. I love it..so yeah..that's what I'm doing right now at work...besides taking some skill set courses..

I'm not Over

200th post

So yeah, this marks my 200th post on this particular blog, though I've posted well over 1000 entries in random blogs I've set up through out WWW. Today, of all days is Earth Day! I'm excited to learn more about how our fellow man and woman strive to make others aware that there might be a 6 billion of us but there is only 1 earth! To be reminded of this is to be self aware of how utterly mortal we are. We awe ourselves with technological advances and scientific discoveries but we still have not over come the fact we're bound to this planet.
I believe that we are aware of ways to reduce our carbon footprints, that we're aware of being comfortable some times is really being lazy like driving our car to the store when its less than a mile away. How keeping our lights on all day or running the AC when its 70 degrees outside is just plain, wrong.
I'm talking to myself right now, because for as much as I want to be able to say that I'm on the right track of being a more earth conscience person I'm not. I forget to recycle, I drive to the store, and run a fan when maybe i shouldn't but I'm aware of it, are you?

I found a link that I want to share, its called Walking and it lets you put in your address to see how close things are to you that could free you from driving your car everywhere. Generally speaking if you score in the 90's you have no excuse to be using your car as much as you do. Granted there exceptions but I'm not here to judge.

I remember 10 yrs ago when Green was more of a radical movement then a responsibility. I wonder where 10 yrs from now will bring us. I hope mandatory isn't one of the description involved because that would mean that we're at the brink of no return.

brainstorming in the late morning

I don't know how it got away from me. I haven't really written anything about me in some time. I mean I've had some interesting stuff happen, or at least had a experience or two that was worth blogging about. Like just this past weekend this old Spanish man pointed out to me Saddam Hussein's son, apparently he works at a parking lot garage! Yeah, I mean he went on to say that although he looked spanish he indeed spoke no Spanish. I use to think that alot of people looked Spanish. I had a similar experience back in high school when i went up to band camp and one of the guys we were hangin with was Filipino but he looked like he was Spanish so I was like you speak Spanish and he was alike no man! I'm Filipino and I was like well you look like you're Spanish as if that was reason enough to say what I did. Sorry about that Mike D.

Moving on, I would like to post a little pic of my work area.. OK nevermind I guess I won't be posting a picture to this entry because I just got some weird error message or whatever. Gosh I feel bored just writing this...I think I would of clicked next by ....now..

Well the least I can do is tell you about this sweet website, www.mobile17.com. There is a way to add ring tone's to your multimedia phone by uploading your favorite music up to this site and they'll send it back to you in a converted format that you can then add a ring tone! OH yeah, its free! I feel like I've contributed to the greater good posting this..

So I'll end by writing a little poem.

What comes to mind when I think of thee, elusive slow hands
but I'm over it now like low places like home. That lonely track 11 ride back,
were only ashes are left to remember how I run from what really scares me.
I'm scared that I need love! But instead I settle for something less, like eating pumpkin soup what is a man to do? I weather on because I know Change is Gonna Come and The bleeding heart show that is my life will See you again.
Perhaps in NYC where Ballads of a Paralysed Citizen ring true.
As time goes by The more I see you with Yoshimi Battle the pink robot I feel like Hayling.
So with that I say Goodnight and GO.


( I wrote a poem from the song titles on my Itunes party shuffle, I just kept on pressing next till i couldn't write anymore...and I didn't skip any titles hence the Yoshimi Battle the Pink Robot reference!)

Thank Goodness its Thursday!