Tuesday, October 07, 2008

short lived beard

Since the cubs got swept from the playoff's I guess it would be kind of ridiculous to still sport the rally beard.


Its been a very hard couple of months for me, I've never been under as much stress as I have this summer. The holidays aren't going to be easier but just a brutal reminder. Having to tell myself to let go and actually telling her has been overwhelming. I know that I'm not ready but I know that I'd never be ready, my mental health is falling apart... I'm tired of feeling sad and I'm tired of thinking about how everything went to shit.
I know I should be mad, that I should have a ton of anger inside of me and I do fight the urge to punch a hole in the wall but more than that I just feel incredibly sad. That sadness is killing me, I can't lie to myself...its really hard to think about anything else. I've been keeping myself busy but come on, this is bigger than just a little break up..I lost more than just girlfriend, she was my best friend, my family, and I can't help but hurt. It hit me Sunday that I had to let go, that I can't try to be there for her or be the same person with her anymore because I'm going to lose myself if I keep on doing that.

normalcy..that's the state of being normal or regular.

how can anything be normal or regular after this?

what a waste...

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