Monday, October 27, 2008

I teared up..

Mr and Mrs Noah Desmit

I guess it was hard not to get choked up when I saw my baby sister in her white wedding dress. I remember us growing up, which seems like a eternity ago. I believe that if we surround ourselves with good people good things happen and Noah is definitely good people. How he's able to deal with Alex is probably the most impressive thing, she's a firecracker, she's been a firecracker since the first time I laid eyes on her at Grandma's house and they said this is your little sister{ she smelled funny :) } ... I have to be honest that I was disappointed that she was a girl because I wanted a brother. I got over it and I'm soo thankful to God that he gave me a sister like her and A mom like mine, and a family like the one I have.

Was I a little sad that I got beat to the alter, yeah ..but not because I wasn't has more to do with everything that you spend, the things you sacrifice and I never felt that Holly was willing to sacrifice anything for me. The more and more I realize it and dissolve this I'm seeing how selfish she was. Everything was about her, from moving here and moving away and not coming back, me moving up there wasn't about us it was more about her. Was I selfish too, heck yeah but I was willing to sacrifice, I was willing to give up everything but what was she willing to sacrifice?

Its interesting how weddings make you take stock of your relationships, present and past. I thought as I waited for my sister to walk down the aisle, if I would of asked earlier would it have been different? I don't think it would of, me asking a month earlier a week earlier wouldn't have made her be any different. It wasn't the relationship that was the problem but the mere fact that she doesn't know who she is...

... "better now than later" that is the common thing that I've kept on hearing I ... I just wished you would of worked on you, because there is something missing in you, you were right about that but what are you doing about it?

You probably did me a favor and saved me a world of heartache, In the end I guess you underestimated how much I loved you and I over estimated how much you love me...

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