Its been a little while..

What's that saying, A picture is worth a thousand words! Hmm, there's a mouthful of truth to that. I for one find that not all pictures tell you the same thing, if you know someone for instance, you know that look that person gives when they're utterly happy or sad. There's an acknowledgement of what the person might be feeling. I wonder what my picture would tell you. I know what I'm feeling at this very moment and its not ineffable, I could divulge but at the sake of just letting go of the whole damn experience I'll keep it to myself. I will say this, just because there is a picture with people smiling it doesn't equate to someone seeing that picture also smiling.

Hmmm, there were remnants of the past in that sentence...as much as I want to put that shit behind me, when it creeps up I still feel absolutely sick about it. Its soo true that you might forgive but you'll never forget..to be honest with you I would rather never forgive and just forget it all together.

If anything, I need to experience catharsis. For some time I was driven by visceral notions.
Now, I have indignation and I'm struggling with it because its antipodean of what I felt for this person. Years of desire,enthusiasm, and respect. I now have none for her, it makes me sad. The part that I strived for is transient, what remains is the last impression.

Hay paz en la locura.

Aunque no te conosco es muy aparante que eres un mujer muy especial.
Tus maners son explícita a tu personalidad.
En mis poco momentos en que me haz dado la oportunidad para conocerte a mirado que eres sincera, tu curiosidad es adictivo, tu risa me da una sonrisa.
Hay algo en ti que se siente muy familiar, casi se siente que te conocia, pero no lo sabia.
Es imposible no querer seguir, a pesar de que sé que tendrá que terminar por que este encuentro es demasiado dulce para sobrevivir.
Tus labios aún están grabado en mi mente como imágenes que nunca se desvanecen.
Tus ojos son vibrantes y profundos, Si los sigo mirando seguramente me perderia.

Mi lucha, es sabiendo lo que tengo que hacer y haciendo lo que quero hacer.

Ojala, que no seas un sueno..un lindo sueno que nunca deberia soñado.

Meeting again..

Bold, you're bold..but your words are sincere
I can't figure you out,which explains why you fuel my curiosity
I haven't a clue when it comes to what make you.. you.
I play it cool and I say a thing or two, clever little sayings to distract you,
distract you from seeing how nervous I get around you.

I don't know what I'm doing, I certainly don't know what I'm saying but It feels like things just happen
they happen when I'm talking to you, A thought can turn into a hour, a hour can turn into a night,
I'm nervous what a night could turn into. There's no real explanation, is there? How insane can it be to want to talk to someone that you just met, some you just met again?

Who knew.. Not me, so here I go.
Hi, You don't really know me and I don't really know you..but we've met, we've met again. I enjoy your company, I enjoy your thoughts, and I enjoy being around you. That's the only thing I know right now but that's ok for now. I'll take that over most things.

Easy post..

What are your favorite shoes?
All of them, ha ha..i have a lot of shoes but I would have to say my favorite are my brown lace ups that look like boots but they’re not!

What does your favorite shirt or blouse look like?
Well I’m assuming it would be shirt for me, so, hmm I like a plain white oxford with the sleeves rolled up.

What does your favorite tee shirt say on it?
“wi(red)”

Do you think you look better in casual or business attire?
Yes, yes I do.

What do you sleep in?
Nothing..I sleep in absolutely nothing but sometime I don’t wake up that way?

Do you wear expensive sneakers?
I use to, but if 50 bucks is expensive then yes...I’m over labels when it comes to sneakers.

What is your favorite hat?
My Fedora.

Your preference for women: Boxers or briefs?
I changed the question..I like women in boxers..sometimes..

Your preference for women: Suits or dresses?
Pant suits..

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
June 28, 2008…I never got to mail it.

Can you change the oil on a car?
I can but I don’t.

Name three things you have on you at all times.
Celly, keys, and a expression.

What’s your life motto?
Que Vida- What a life.

What’s a word that you say a lot?
yo

What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was on the phone...

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Its good to be alive.

Who is your worst enemy?
Me

What does your watch look like?
Currently it looks like a aluminum box with green numbers

Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days?
Thursday

Is there a day of the week that seems to never end?
Tuesday

Have you ever had a strong crush on someone, but did not say anything to that person? If yes, why?
No, I’ve never been one to sit on my hands..

Have you had a crush in secret and then told that person? If yes, what happened?
Isn’t this like the question above…what happened next is that I moved on with my life son.

Have you ever been stalked?
yes but not by women..

Have you ever, in retrospect, stalked someone?
Nope but I coincidently ran into people all the time.

Have you ever slept with someone on a first date?
No.

Have you ever regretted not sleeping with someone?
This question should read “have you ever regretted sleeping with someone” because the answer would be, yes.

What attracts you first to someone else?
Their eyes…their beautiful brown,blue,or green eyes……..

When there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm really buzzin right now and not in the sense that artificial sense. Like I have this smile on my face. I can't say that It was totally expected or all my doing but right now its very..sweet. I don't always understand why things are the way they are but you gotta go with the flow. I'm left a little bit speechless after all because I don't know what to say, I don't know really what to say. I lingered but I knew I had to turn around and walk away. Hmmm, vague..yeah It certainly is but no more personal memoirs for the big bad Internet. All I can is that I'm still smiling even though I'm frowning..what will come of this chance encounter....

I'm ok...I'm finally feeling ok.

Its taken some knocks to get me back to where I was before. I don't feel sorry for myself, I never did but now I don't feel sad. I have cheerful disposition on the future. Granted its not what I had in mind or what I had planned for but its mine nonetheless & I'm looking forward to grabbing and owning it. Is it a cliche, perhaps but life full of those, got make the best out of the worst.

So here I am, 2009 a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday...They say 30 is the new 20, well I hope that isn't the case because I was a complete idiot at 20. I've done some growing up since then, I'm not finished product by no means but I'm steady. I don't blink, I don't shake,and I don't rattle..

Anyways enough of this positive self talk mumbo jumbo. All I know is that I can't look back, I can't go back to where I was and to how I felt. I might not be ready for everything that will come way but I'm ready to get out this quicksand and find a new path.
To me that just sounds really nice.