Being heard

Jared made a good point this past weekend.
" How is that I find women that take everything from me and then leave me with nothing?"
I don't know how to love any other way, I took a big big risk by letting Holly back into my life 2 1/2 yrs ago, ignoring the advice of many of my friends but I did it because I loved her soo much that I would take that chance, that I would gamble my heart again. When we were together it was great, it was right...

I could of been just a whatever kind of guy and not really gave it my all when it was hard but the way my heart pounds when I see her and how my skin tingles when she touches me. Why wouldn't I give my all, if you risk everything you can lose everything but you can also win everything. I wasn't scared of not asking her to marry me, I was scared of not asking her to marry me. No one can say that I didn't give it my all, that I didn't do everything I could do. I wouldn't do any other way even now when I can't tell which way is up.

Perhaps in the last post I was too harsh in that I wish I never met her, I don't mean any of that...
This has been the big disappointment of my life because she is the love of my life. The scope of my pain is the measurement of how much she meant to me.

I just need to remember that It wasn't just up to me..you can't give your life to someone that doesn't know what they want.

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

You are so beautiful to me
~ The fray

Sitting here

I don't know where to turn or where to go, I'm living in a nightmare, I just don't know when I get to wake up so It can end.

The disappointment I have in my heart is soo heavy that I feel like I'm climbing 6 feet out of the ground because I feel like a piece of me died.

We, I say we because I know she's felt this way too; we've struggled and have been frustrated and tired. All I want to do is be with her, I just want to be with her. Nothing else matters, we've let so much time past I've been ready for it for some time now. I put everything on the line this past weekend..I took a trip with no certain outcome...what do you when you love someone, you fight for them..I'm strong but I don't know how many times I can get up after taking blow after blow.. Leaving her has never been soooo hard, I contemplating just staying, just never coming back..I love my friends but they're not my life,they'll be my friends till I die but I'm talking about the love of my life,the woman I want to grow old with, have kids with...how can I just let it slip away, my whole heart is with her. She's my family, she my lady, she's my best friend. Yes I'm mad and yes I'm frustrated but most of all I'm just sad...I'm just sad. I don't want to feel like this anymore..seeing her was wonderful but having her right in front of me and then having too leave, there's no words to describe it..

I think regardless of what happens I'm leaving the States, for as much as it gives its also taken from me...