One of those days

My head feels heavy, it could be the congestion or it could be all the thoughts running around causing me to be a little light headed. I know, how can my head feel heavy if its light headed? I don't know. To be honest with you I don't understand alot of things that happen in life, Particularly my life, things shouldn't be so damn hard..people are by nature simple.

For a much as I like to say that everyone is different, the things that I need in my life are pretty much the same as everyone else. I need to be nourished, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
If I thought I was lonely before, now I'm a damn Island. The comfort I had in talking to someone that I thought loved me and cherish me has been eradicated and replaced with empty words and memories that really don't mean anything. If I were told that after being with someone for 3yrs all you'll have is memories I'd tell that person to go sit it on it. The gestures bring no comfort, the pleasantries are just that... pleasantries, who stays in a relationship just for the consolation prize? I'll tell you, NO ONE!

So here I am, evaluating myself, I'm trying to pick myself up from a hole that I help dig. I would love nothing more than act like she's acting and have the dumb self serving responses, to act in rash manner because the situation calls for it. Is it responsible to act irresponsible if you know that it will help?

I was asked what I will be looking for in the next person that I meet ( Its a scary thing to think about since I don't know if I'll be ready for a long time) but I was able to scribble some things down.
1. Integrity-Does what they say they'll do.
2. A true understanding of themselves, (I can't go through anymore growing pains with women.)
3.Someone that has a strong foundation, friends and a social life outside of me.
4.Lives their life for them and not what others want them to live
5.Most importantly someone that knows how to love themselves so if God willing they can love me the right way.

I don't think its too much to ask to be with someone thats figured out who they are so they don't have to use me to figure that out..